Julia Wise
Last updated: 27th August, 2026
1. General advice
It's normal to have a really wide range of reactions to news of a death. People range from feeling basically fine, and maybe feeling guilty about feeling fine, to feeling devastated by it.
For other group members who are shaken, often the most important thing you can do to help is listen to them. If you’re feeling really shaken, you might not be the best person to be there for others. Consider having a gro
Be extra aware of people who seem to be struggling themselves, and remind them the community wants to be there to support them too. Use this as an opportunity to talk about the ways all of us are vulnerable and sometimes in need of support.
2. Announcing a death
Only announce after the death has already been shared publicly elsewhere, or after the family has said it’s ok. If the person wasn’t recently involved in the group, it may be more appropriate to send a message to a few people who knew them during their involvement, rather than to whole current group. Parts you might include in a message: - I’m very sorry to tell you that we’ve learned [person] died recently - [Something about areas they cared about, things they contributed to the community, why they will be missed] - [If there’s a place to leave supportive messages for their family] - I know people sometimes have a lot of different feelings come up after a loss like this - the organizers are here if it’d be helpful to text or call. [contact info for organizers who are up for these chats] While we want to help, we’re not mental health professionals, and you can also consider resources like your healthcare provider or https://wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines [or your national / local crisis line or chat]
In the case of suicide, you don’t have to mention a cause of death, especially if the family has asked you not to. Or you could use wording like “He died by suicide” or “She took her life.” It’s considered best practice not to more information about the specifics of a suicide. Example 1, Example 2.
3. Common feelings
Some common feelings people in a local community might have after the death of a member, or another difficult personal experience a member has experienced:
- Sadness
- Shock or disbelief
- Anger at the unfairness of suffering and death
- Reluctance to seek support for their own hardships, out of a feeling that their problems aren't as significant as the death
- If they didn't know the person, feeling they are out of the loop or are expected to have feelings about someone that they never actually knew
a. After a suicide
Some additional common feelings in cases of suicide:
- Guilt about what they could have done differently
- Frustration that their efforts to help weren't accepted or didn't go as well as they hoped
- Feeling that they were the single point of failure and have responsibility for the death
It's appropriate to use this as a time to evaluate what we could be doing to better support each other, but not to feel that we're ultimately responsible for the choices other people make. Keep an eye out for group members who may be feeling an undue sense of responsibility or guilt about the death.
4. Practical activities communities might do
- Put together a card, letter, or document with memories of the person to share with their family. It’s often meaningful to families to hear how their loved one was appreciated in other areas of their life.
- Have a side conversation at the next meetup, where attendees can join a conversation about their memories of the person and how they're processing the news. Or if they'd prefer not to, people can take part in usual discussions or activities instead. People may just have a few minutes of sharing sadness, or may have a lot to say.
- If you want to have a structured activity, perhaps have nice paper and pens available for writing a letter to the person with things you wish you'd gotten the chance to say to them. (People can write on their own devices if they'd rather.) Have a time afterwards for people to share thoughts if they want to, but the default assumption should be that people can keep their letters private. You might offer the chance for one-on-one conversations afterwards if people want to share thoughts without the group.
If you'd like more advice, you can reach out to CEA's Community Health Team via this form.